I was recovering from a wicked cold last week when I received an email from Thu, the woman who inspired my pandan tapioca cake (banh bo nuong) adventure. Thu had read the post about my dad’s 80th birthday bash and wrote to me about her family’s surprise celebration for her dad. It was actually for both of her folks who were coincidentally born on January 1.
It’s a wonderful human story that tells you lots about humility, family, gender roles, and the gift of good home cooking. Thu’s email uplifted me from my physical doldrums. Hope it does the same for you too! [Note that the text in brackets are my comments or clarification.]
I would like to share my story with you because we also celebrated my parents’ birthday for the first time in their life. My mom and dad both were born on January 1.
We always wanted to give them a birthday party, but they always said, “Gia roi, birthday gi nua.” [That loosely translates to: “We’re so old, why bother with a birthday celebration?”] So we never did, until last Saturday.
My mom called my sister and said, “Since dad will turn 72 on January 1, let’s give him a surprise birthday party.” I was kind of shock to hear that birthday idea came from my mom because she never likes that kind of party for herself and we used to ask them to go out for dinner for their birthday but they always said “NO”. But I was so glad that my mom finally got into the “birthday” celebration.
All of my sisters called each other to plan who would cook and bring what. I come from a big family. My mom has 4 boys and 5 girls. All of my sisters love to cook so we did not have any problem about the food. One sister made bo nuong vi, grilled beef rice paper rolls with mint leaves and a fish sauce dipping sauce. Another sister made pad thai while the youngest one made soup mang tay cua [crab and asparagus soup]. My other sister made angel hair pasta for the little kids. I made sticky rice with chicken and a goi vit duck salad. All of my brothers had the easy task of bringing beer and wine. [Ladies, we need to change this somehow!]
We invited all my uncles, aunts, and their spouses. The birthday celebration day finally came. We all came over to my parents’ house.
My dad still did not have a clue! He thought that we were giving my sister a baby shower since that was what we told him a few days before the party. My mom’s kitchen was full of “the Nguyen Chefs."
We each made our own special dishes and we talked and laughed. My dad helped with the cooking too. We set up the tables/chairs. All the food brought up to the table and they all looked so yummy. The house was full of people and laughter. Finally, everyone sat down except my sisters and me.
We all stood behind my parents and my oldest sister announced to my dad that the party was not a baby shower, but for my mom and dad’s 70th and 72nd birthdays.
My sister spoke on behalf of all my sisters and brothers and thanked my parents for all the hard works they did for us all these years – they still cook for us even on Father’s or Mother’s Day. She wished them health and happiness. My sister could not say her speech without tearing up. She made everybody cry.
The party was so much fun. Everybody enjoyed the food, wine, and beers. My parents talked and laughed so much. I’ve never seen them have so much fun like that before. They enjoyed every single minute of it.
We’ll definitely do this again for them next year but I wish we never took their “NO” for an answer all these times when we asked to celebrate their birthdays.
Parents can often times be too humble and self-sacrificing. But you gotta just break on through and show them some love!
InTolerant Chef
What a lovley way to honor your parents for all they have done for you all your lives. Your father must have been greatly touched.
Andrea Nguyen
Intolerant Chef: Thanks for taking a read. Thu's story was really nice. I like the part about tricking her dad too!
Karen Tran
Very touching story - as my parents are getting older I value the time I spend with them more and more as well. If Thu's parents are anything like mine; her speech probably made all of their sacrifices worthwhile. In fact just imagining the speech and the family reaction made me tear up a little too. I think with traditional Vietnamese parents it's the little things that mean the most.
My family bonds over food as well. Every big holiday we (my sister and I) give my mom the "day off" by cooking the entire dinner; we've been doing this since I was 16! But my mom insists on making huge meals for days before the holiday. I think it's just an excuse for all of us to be in the kitchen together for more days!
Thank you for this lovely story.
Maria Payroll
This is a very touching story. It makes me wanna spend more time with my family than anybody else.
Ngan
Thanks for sharing. With Tet coming up, stories like this one make me think of my family even more. I plan to make a small Vietnamese meal my own to celebrate this year. Chuc Mung Nam Moi, everyone.
OysterCulture
What a wonderful story and what a great one to remind us that we need to take the time to celebrate life and those that are special to us.
BTW, I just bought my first batch of pandan and cannot wait to give it a try, your pandan tapioca cake looks like a good place to start.
Madeline
I love it. Parents don't always say what they want.
Rosanna
Wow, this totally made me tear up! Great story.
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Thanks, Flora. I really will try to write some updates...maybe even during the year.