Over the weekend our friends Diane and John invited us over
for a Cinco de Mayo dinner. They have two little boys, ages 2 and 4, who are
adorable, a little rascally but over all pretty well behaved. I don’t have children
so I dig observing the parenting process.
A teacher by profession, Diane takes a kind-hearted
educational approach to rearing her boys. While we were at their home, she got
the older boy to fetch a step stool so he could stand at the kitchen sink to wash
his dinner plate. We adults watched with amusement until we realized that there
may be a knife in the sink. Diane let out a small cry, explaining to her son
that sharp objects may be nearby, and ran over to check. No knife present.
Disaster averted.
It’s hard to know what kind of impression that situation
made on the four-year-old but parents do their best. Lord knows I’ve asked myself
a zillion times whether or not I’d left a knife at the bottom of a sink full of
dirty dishes. I don’t think I figured that one out from my mom but here are
five cooking and life lessons that she did teach me. (By the way, the vintage photo at the top has Mom in center and on her left, 5 ½-year-old me looking grumpy.)
Cook by connecting
the dots. When we came to the U.S., my parents had to start over. Preparing
good Viet food was not easy in 1975. But my mother perused American supermarkets
to find ingredients that were the same or nearly the same as what she’d used in
Vietnam. For example, she knew enough about pig anatomy to surmise the
difference between pork shoulder/butt and pork picnic cuts. Rich tasting salmon
was similar to a type of fish she’d salt and marinate in Vietnam so devised a terrific
lemongrass salmon. My mom wasn’t afraid to ponder and ask questions. After
all, our family’s food was at stake.
Understand food then
communicate and experiment. I’ve spent countless hours hovering over the
stove and looking down at my cutting board, thinking about food — how the desired outcome of a dish dictates
the way ingredients should be treated, how things can be improved or not! Sometimes
I dream or wake up thinking about a vexing cooking issue. You can label that
obsessive compulsive behavior but I got that from my mom, who learned classic
Viet cooking approaches then resourcefully and nimbly applied them.
Stay open minded. There’s
no single way to cook rice. When I was old enough to seem useful in the
kitchen, my mom trained me to use an electric rice cooker, a method that I
naturally applied to cooking rice stovetop after moving away from home. Oddly,
there were grains that always stuck to the bottom of my pot, and when I asked
Mom about that, she responded, “You don’t cook rice stovetop the same way as
you would in a rice cooker!”
Then she
went on to tell me how to make perfect
rice, which led me to thinking about myths
and truths about cooking rice.
Smartly reign supreme
in your kitchen. Do what you feel is sensible and practical for cooking
well. Yes, my mother measures ingredients via rice bowls and particular Chinese
soup spoons but she also uses a scale and maintains a recipe file box. When she
still lived in Vietnam, she read cookbooks, took cooking lessons, and recorded
recipes in a notebook (the one that inspired Into the Vietnamese Kitchen).
She developed a personal, systematic approach that enabled
her to feed a mini army (our family) at the drop of a hat. My mom’s
kitchen quirks includes using the dishwasher as a drying rack and covering
the counter with plastic. It all worked and continues to work for her. At her house,
we hand wash everything, drying certain things in the dishwasher. No questions
asked.
Keep on learning.
My mother turns 79 this year and we continue to share food discoveries and
knowledge. Years ago, she asked me about how to make tofu. It surprised me
because I assumed that she knew the answer already. Responding to my mom led me
on the journey to writing Asian Tofu
but also many reminiscences and conversations. She regularly reads this blog
(my dad prints out the posts) because she wants to stay engaged. If she has a
comment, she lets me know by phone or email.
What invaluable
cooking and life lessons has your mother taught you?
Diane says
My Mom taught me to cook, and I loved learning to cook with her. It wasn't until I was well into my 20's that I discovered she actually HATES to cook, and only did it out of obligation. But being a perfectionist, she was good at it and made sure I could do it too. She was also the original "health food mama" in the 1970's, so while we never ate sweets (and consequently I didn't learn to bake until I was in my 40's!), we always cooked "from scratch" which served me very well. No food from boxes for us. So it was kind of a trade-off. We occasionally cooked ghastly things like tofu pumpkin pie, which (sorry, Andrea - not even a tofu lover would have eaten this) not even the raccoons would eat. But for every disaster like that, there was a lovely chicken soup from scratch, or home-made tabbouleh, or home-made hummus, or tomato soup from vegetables from our garden, or a goose, or, or, or... Mom was fearless if occasionally a bit cock-eyed in the kitchen.
My grandmother, on the other hand, loved to cook, and was a marvel at it - so maybe I got my joy in it from her.
Now my parents come and visit me for a few months every year, and I cook for them, which my Mom loves. She's slapdash and not fearless any more as she just cooks for her and my Dad. But she still cooks all from scratch.
steiin says
When I was a kid my mother always tied the chicken's "ankles" together before roasting. When I asked her why she said "So it doesn't run out of the oven." To this day when roasting a chicken I do the same. Why take a chance?
Kari@Loaves n Dishes says
Great story, & how resourceful your mother must have been.
My mother really didn't/doesn't like to cook, so I figured out from a young age that if I wanted to eat something other than KD casserole, I had better learn to cook!
Stephanie NZ says
My Scottish-Irish-heritage, NZ-raised mum travelled widely before she married and opened my eyes up to food from different cultures. From a young age we were eating satay, moussaka, lasagne, dolmades, bami goreng... it wasn't until decades later that I realised that many of these were very economical family meals albeit different from how the neighbours (Dutch, Chinese, Samoan, Pakeha...) ate. We learnt from our neighbours too. The first time I had lychees, at a birthday party when I was 7 or 8, are a food memory I cherish, especially as I wouldn't have them again until many years later. I love sharing food stories and catering to and expanding the tastes of my friends and family, and including younger generations. I really enjoy your blogposts and your books are absolute treasures too. Thanks so much, Andrea!
Mbb says
This is a wonderful post, and a good reminder to be thankful for and generous of our mothers' quirks...it works for them. My om has many, too many to list here. She taught me how to try new foods, and not be afraid of new and exotic dishes...like falafel, when we used to visit the salt lake city arts festival, etc. after we tried that dish, we spent the next day trying to recreate it at home. My mom wasn't big on making dinners but lunch was a different story, and a time we spent together, especially in the summers. Grilled cheese, tuna salad sandwiches and cheese quesadillas - she put her own special twist to each of these usually related to health trends of the 70s ( alfalfa sprouts, whole wheat tortillas). So when I eat those foods I think of Mom.
Maggie says
Your mum sounds like a wise woman, Andrea, she taught you very well! I think mums and grandmas are the BEST teachers and kitchen role models. They cook day in, day out, perfecting dishes, refining and adapting techniques, shopping for ingredients on a budget, dealing with likes and dislikes, all whilst juggling family and work commitments, and making it look a breeze. What professional chef does all that? The thing that made the deepest impression on me as a child was how my mum would put a home cooked meal on the table every evening, however late she got home from work, a ritual that is reenacted in my own home with my kids. As for the rice (excuse me, I am borderline obsessive- compulsive about rice), you CAN use the absorption method on the stovetop without it sticking. Perhaps it was cooked for too long? Once the rice comes to the boil and you turn the heat to low, simmer for 12 minutes only, then take the pan off the heat, wrap a clean tea towel under the pan lid and keep tightly covered for 15 minutes. A friend's mum taught me that, my mum swears by the rice cooker, lol!
Kate Leahy says
That's amazing that your mom asked you how to make tofu. The other day my mom asked me how to make a certain kind of salsa, and I didn't have the answer. We had to call my aunt in Mexico, and while my mom quizzed her on the salsa, I started gathering up the ingredients. I love it that even though my mom has cooked many, many more meals than I have, she still wants to learn new tricks.
As far as the dishwasher goes, my sister and a good friend of mine treat it just the way your mom does -- as a drying rack. Maybe they're on to something....
Andrea Nguyen says
Diane, what a terrific story. A lot women of your mom's generation were thoughtful slapdash cooks. They had to keep it together and understood the value of cooking from scratch. It was probably really exciting to try new ingredients -- like tofu, and new ideas like, why not put it pumpkin pie?! Sounds like your mom was a good reluctant cook. Look where you are now.
Andrea Nguyen says
Hahahaha, I bet your mom and I would get along. I love to nibble on chicken knees and ankles. I'm stealing that line from her.
Andrea Nguyen says
Love it. Self-preservation and culinary exploration drove you to cook. That's motivation, Kari.
Andrea Nguyen says
There's something to be said about being raised and/or living in NZ and Australia because there's a practical, easy-going attitude about mingling cultures. It just is what it is. Not precious but good tasting, affordable food. No exoticization, fetishizing. Okay those are words that just got red-lined by spell check. You know what I mean though! 😉
Andrea Nguyen says
It's really important to be open to new foods. What's the big deal? It's just food, right? Just like in life, there's usually little harm in trying new things once, maybe twice!
Btw, I miss alfalfa sprouts.
Andrea Nguyen says
How lucky you are to have benefited from a mom and grandma(s)! They have invaluable information to transmit and unruffled ways of doing things -- even after putting in a full day's work! Ha. Professional chefs have staff. Mom have kids but as I personally know, kids can be unreliable kitchen staff, unless you train them well that is. 😉
Oh the rice thing. It was simply a matter of stirring the rice at the front end. My rice stopped sticking stovetop after my mom straightened me out years ago. Thanks for sharing your tip!
Andrea Nguyen says
Maybe we're getting to a stage in our lives and careers where our parents ask us for information and we're (1) incredulous that they don't know the answer (they're our parents, after all all) and (2) why we don't know the answer ourselves (we're food professions, are we not?!). Then we start sleuthing...
Abbe@This is How I Cook says
Great story Andrea. My mom taught me about food in the sense that she always put a meal on the table. However she never really "cooked" unless company was coming. She like to impress-just not us! I now cook for anyone and enjoyed making my family happy!